the new hippies' series: (5) spiritual materialism

There's a Tibetan author who has lived for quite some time in the U.S. and has put a name to it: "spiritual materialism". It means not only a certain crave from spiritual stuff and a tendency to collect and accumulate small (unrelated) pieces from this and that Eastern tradition; also, according to the author, there would an egoistic approach on every Western person when trying to acquire or apply the new knowledge -even with a teacher, no matter what they were shown, the students would imitate it externally, being careful not to sacrifise or loose anything inside.

The guy puts an example that I really enjoy: he talks about a sort of Zen meditation of a certain Japanese tradition, in which the students are confined and they have to take care of their tools and the way to eat the food and drink the tea, and the whole point is to get people immensely tired so that the process might help them to get a "better understanding of the self" (or whatever is the point of the Zen, I must say I don't know much about it). Anyway, there's been of course Western students trying this technique but finding it completely useless: by following the procedures and the ceremonies they don't get bored and tired, the contrary, they get amused since they're doing Japanese stuff in a Japanese way which is so exciting!


First time I read a book from this one author I was in North India in a Buddhist area and it looked to me he was describing so well most (not all) the hippies around who where half spirituals and dressing that way of theirs (see previous posts) and bowing in front of the Buddha images when visiting the monasteries.

It seemed quite reasonable to me when the writer was recommending to everybody who had honest interest in spirituality to put themselves on the hands of a teacher and follow him/her and the teachings and techniques all the way through, leaving no room for "materialism" anymore.


Afterwards I read more about the guy, about his schools in the U.S., and eventually (there's reports and at least one essay on the subject) I learned they made big parties on the premises and the teacher encouraged sexual exchange among his students, and was he getting laid himself with some of the female students -maybe he just wanted to make sure they would follow their advice.

(It was denounced by some of the novices who attended to one of the parties and were not so happy with it; however it does not matter much, who would believe they did not know anything about it until they were asked to get naked?)


It's a pity, because I used to like the writings of this monk, I found them precise to the point and refined and awesome, but now to my eyes he has lost all his credibility. Regardless, there's still a lot to learn from this author, since it seems he was so good and understood the minds of his Western students fully, and knew how to get lots of hippies to apply to his courses!

the new hippies' series: (4) working the least

Not that I'm going to criticise anybody who does not like working, of course not. Old and new hippies and myself.

Some of them find their way through, they work a few months in overpriced Europe while they are living humbly (even in a squat), and during the rest of the year they go abroad anywhere cheap and make good value of their money. Others are just stingy and think twice before spending every cent.

My flatmate last summer, for example, she was a bit like that. We were not really organized when we had to buy something for the house (e.g. soap, toilet paper); one of us just got it whenever either she or I found it was missing. Gradually I realised she would not find anything missing, she just waited. I wanted to be sure and I devised a stupid experiment.

In India I learnt toilet paper is not really necessary -there's billions of people in Asia who do not use it. (There was this Israeli guy I met who asked the key question: if you found you had some shit on you forehead, how would you clean it?) Which method is best I'm not sure, regardless I got used to the other one in India, and in particular I didn't mind at all if I was sitting (as I always do) before my shower. However in Europe there's toilet paper and I use it (besides it's usually the jar which is missing). Some people find this whole subject is just digusting; that's not the point though. My experiment was: I would stop using paper if as usual I was in need just before my shower. Just to see what would happened.

What happened? The paper got finished and everything seemed fine for a few days. She was unemployed at that period (I was working like hell by the way), and I checked she went to the shop at least once to buy food. I don't know exactly how she was managing (I guessed she was using tissues). Finally, on Saturday mid morning, I realised I was having loose bellows and I went to the shop and I got the effing paper.

I would have talked to her if all the mess was about anything, not about a couple of euros. If I was not about to leave. And anyway my objective was to understand if she was as stingy as I had imagined. It seems she was.


This girl was taking short-term contracts very happily (the ones that others would take only because they cannot get a better one), so that at the end she could live from unemployment benefits for a while afterwards. She only looked for a new job when the time would come the state stopped paying. Which is not so bad, in my opinion, unless you make it a way of life. Unless you make it as if you are holding a day more waiting for your flatmate to get the paper (instead of you getting it).

There's hippies and hippies, there's the ones with the nice arrangements, and there's the stingy ones.

the new hippies' series: (3) buddhism

Most of the new hippies are Buddhist. It is not only that they like tankas and Buddha images and a particular kind of clothes (even though those clothes have nothing to do with it, see (1) below). Besides they are interested in meditation and other techniques, and some of them declare openly they are looking for enlightenment. In those gatherings of the hanging dicks, see (2), there's plenty of Buddhist stuff, and for example in Madrid there are a couple of clubs which are really fancy and decorated with Buddhas and praying flags.

Most of the hippies are vegetarian (well that's kind of fancy in general these days) and they don't smoke nor drink nor have drugs (some of them; others go for trance parties...), they follow the principles of Buddhist monks, except for the free sex (there's no way around it; even if there are some famous Buddhist schools in the US who are famously quite tolerant about it, it is difficult to put free sex and Buddhism together).

A friend of mind from Japan explained me she's half Buddhist half Shintoist, and for her Buddhism is a religion about the suffering of life. If you look at it that way, it is strange to see those western people calling themselves Buddhist.

It is as if there were new hippies in Japan dresses kind of gothic who called themselves Catholics and read the bible (better say some books from Japanese authors explaining the ideas of the bible, because the book itself would be too obscure) and made huge parties drinking lots of red wine and having lots of sex because Jesus said love each other as I have loved you. Besides they would come to Europe and visit the churches and be very happy to join during mass and communion. It would be just as weird.

the new hippies' series: (2) hanging dicks

Hippies' views on sex are not that innovative: no surprises, they are for free sex. Having sex is a natural thing, every civilized person should be modern by now and spontaneous and unconstraint and remove all religious and cultural taboos about sex.

They're right, of course! During their gatherings they wander around and participate in whatever activities they've planned while most of them are naked -a friend of mine confessed to me she got fedup of the army of hanging dicks.


Sex and being naked are just natural; however, what is "natural"? For an animal, it is natural to be naked, especially if it has a fur cover for protection in winter. Regarding sex, even though it depends a lot on the kind of animal, there's always a link to reproduction strategies; for instance for mammals, since pregnancy is long and the new-borns are quite vulnerable and dependent for a while afterward, females need help and rely on their partners, thus they usually look for a male that is not only healthy and strong but trustworthy and decent -females are not happy with just anybody. Males on the other hand take at least part of the responsibility, however they try to be as promiscuous as possible (simply as their policy, no hard feelings).


However humans are not animals, that's why one has to be careful with the meaning of "natural" and check out a dictionary maybe: "natural" could be something shared with everybody else, which has not been learned, and also it could be something just reasonable. (And there's a few more unrelated entries.)


"Reasonable" means accepted and relates to culture. Traditionally, sex roles have been linked to perpetuation and building up families. At the present time in the West it is not the case anymore: sex has been "liberalised". Which means (Houellebecq's explanation is wonderful) that some wealthy people get a lot more than before (including maybe most hippies), average people get somewhat more, and even though it's a land of opportunities and freedom, there's for some reason a number of people that get nothing at all: the homeless of sex.


In conclusion: nothing.


I don't know what hippies mean by "natural". They have lots of sex, but not just with anybody -that's the only thing I can assure you. Or maybe it is just an excuse (to hide my regret) because obviously they have never been my "laying ground"!!!

the new hippies' series: (1) dress up!

In a effort to become completely banal and non-transcendent, I've figured out I'll start a series on the new hippies.



(I'd like to say I'm one of them, it would be a mild means of self-abuse, as well it would help to ensure I'm going to make an accurate description; anyhow, some people might think I'm behaving a bit weird for the last few years. In one way or another I should be able to prove I have been thriving on with them, at least observing them for a long while; for example, if I'm going to tell you they are easy going with sex, then I should add I got laid with lots of them -however you know there's no shortcuts with love in general, and it does not get much easier with hippies -nor more difficult.)





1st chapter of the series is about the very 1st thing which is apparent with hippies: their looks.



One might get the impression they are very much authentic and dress up in the ways of some remote and unknown culture (towards the East, usually). I met a very agreeable Turkish girl in Ayvalik; she's friendly and her english is very decent, she's open-minded, curious and genuine. She lives in Istanbul and a while ago some of her friends abroad came for a visit, and ask her to take them shopping. They were looking for some clothes but they did not like what she was showing them; they were looking for something more "authentic", they said. She asked them to be more precise and they explained there were some kind of Turkish pants in which the fabric between the legs was opened until the knee. She understood then: yes those pants were probably traditional, mostly used by countryside people in small villages, and as far as she knew it was impossible to get them in the capital.

Turkish people are in general in a big conflict between old and new, east and west, still they stay quite traditional in many of their views, towards the family for example; their pop & rock music is such a mixture they usually add the label "anatolian" into it. However, they would never dress like a farmer -and they see no conflict in that regard.

It's quite the same in India, where foreigners (and in particular new hippies) look like nobody else around -as expected by the locals of course. They've actually realised and they produce clothing in the particular touristy styles and flavours.

A minute of doubt

Finally I left Istanbul and it was not easy of course. I met some very nice people over there and I managed once again to tie a rope from my ankle to another city, a link which made it hard to leave. (Alternatively, as N Kelman puts it, "nowhere is worth going except where we left, and the faster we go the further away from there we get" -another trick of the monster inside.)

In Madrid I got worried because I don't want to stay very long (winter in such a cold place? no way!), however it seemed it was difficult to get a room for such a short period, even worse for a flexible period. And I had this minute of doubt: do I really need to stay in Madrid? should I go elsewhere? but where and why? I just felt I need to be somewhere (anywhere) for a while with no flights in the horizon, no departure date. Much better it would be to stay anywhere for a particular reason. But where and why, anyway?


However it took me less than 24 hours to find a place (maybe it's not perfect but for sure it's good enough) and I removed my worry, I made "lots of space in my mind" and I realised I had been a bit silly during my minute of doubt -since I actually know what to do (and the reasons) if I just stop and think about it. (The places are not so important, if they were I would not wander around so much.)


The day after I was having breakfast with a friend, we were about to leave for the weekend and he had gone to bed late and was tired, he had to pack his bag, was lazy, and the thought of having to do it was painful. He said he knew it would take him 30 seconds since he had to take only the minimum stuff for the weekend, but still, it was painful. I told him maybe he could pay somebody to do it so that he could remove the worry and make "space in his mind". Which was pretty much the same as my moment of doubt.

"Everybody has worries that look exaggerated and idiot to others" -that's only a symptom, a sign that shows how it works inside.


(The post itself looks exaggerated and idiot to me, I wonder why I wrote it! I don't quite recall how this nadaist thing became a kind of (lonely) preaching about these tiny movements of the mind. I'll have to put it upside down.)

Those days of the month

These are those days of the month, symptoms are clear: I'm irritable, upset, very emotional, quiet and depressed and excited the minute after, bursting into tears for no particular reason... the only difference with a woman period is that she knows more or less when is it going to happen and how long is it going to last.

Another difference is that if you ask her why is she crying she might get upset and yell at you because you just don't understand anything at all (you insensitive and numb prick), while me I just notice the tears coming out and I wait or if it is raining I get out to the streets with no umbrella.


Istanbul is not helping, it is not such an "inspiring" city (whatever that means). The area where most cheap hotels are is just an area with hotels and foreigners and restaurants which flavours are a mix of fancy and traditional turkish. The area where locals hang out is crazy, is a big street in which everything (for a 12 million people city) is supposed to be happening. As for the sightseeing, even in my monumental laziness I've seen most of the "mandatory" stuff already.

Monumental laziness, which makes it so difficult to wake up in the morning. Why would I get out of bed when I hear the alarm, if all I do during the day is writing and if I was awake one more hour I'll be one hour longer in front of the blank paper!

However I know the period will go (maybe not the monumental laziness) and I'll see the city with different eyes and for sure won't be happy to leave, next week when I leave and I advice my fellow travellers to spend a few extra days here, if they have the time.

Writing from an ugly place

Here I am, still at the same place, Ayvalik the port to Lesvos. I practice a bit in the morning and then I write a lot a huge lot, and I'm feeling very very well and I have no intention whatsoever to go anywhere else anytime soon.

I take no real decisions during the day. Well, maybe sometimes I decide to skip the practice, once every few days. I have breakfast in my room and then I start writing. The only decision is where to go to for dinner; at middays I usually go to the same restaurant, very decent food and a nice waitress (I guess it sounds stupid, anyway I find it is a fair enough reason). And I feel great and it does not seem there's anything I need, even if it should be boring. If I think about it, I hardly talk to anybody, except the few words I know in Turkish (which refer basically to food), and occasionally to travellers, just a little bit. And I don't do anything else, don't watch TV (where would I go?), nothing, just at night after dinner I read a wonderful and luckily very long novel (by J Heller).

Where's the magic, I wonder. Would be the same if I was in an ugly place? Probably yes, if it happened to be, (I say "it happened" because it does not seem to be entirely under my control).


Sometimes I do get bored, of course. This morning when I woke up I thought maybe I should leave to Istanbul (Lesvos is too far away now). I thought of leaving exactly that minute, but it was to late for the bus already. I decided to skip the practice, had breakfast and took it easy very easy, and eventually, since I had not much to do (and actually not later than any other day), I started writing. (I could have gone to the places around I havent visited yet even though I've been here for a week, but I didn't.)

And I wrote so much and so quickly, it was brutal and awesome. I did not want to leave it, not even for a break to eat. Now in the evening I'm exhausted. Definitively is not quite under my control.


However I know this is not going to last (not in Ayvalyk), and I keep wondering, wouldnt it be better in an ugly place, with people who speak a language I speak, with cinemas and etc? Does it make any sense? Why would not I write from an ugly place?

At the port to Lesvos

Ayvalik is a small turkish town at the northern Aegean connected to Lesvos by ferry. The island itself is somewhere at the horizon, amongst some other smaller ones closing the bay in which the port is. But I've got sick (just a cold and a fever) and I'm waiting.


I was in contact with some former job colleagues for some hellish tax declarations I had to prepare, and I told them about my plans to visit Lesvos. They said they envied me and wished me good luck and nice experiences in the lesbian paradise (was I looking for new adventures?, they asked). I had to clarify that I only wanted to go to whichever charming greek town and find a nice room with a desk and a view (preferably to the sea; even better, a terrace with a table and a shadow and the view to the sea). Over there I would spend my time writing, that's the reason I came here for.

When I got to this town of Ayvalik, to the port to Lesvos, and I was feeling a bit weak already, and I went to a guesthouse, it looked somewhat nice but I didnt pay much attention since I only wanted to take the room quickly so that I could leave the baggage and rest a bit; my plan was to stay for a couple of days anyway. I fell asleep for a short while, I woke up and I went to the shared toilet, and then I saw it, there it was: the terrace, there were tables on it, a shadow half wood half grapevine, and a view of the rest of the town, the red tile roofs, on the left side an old church and a minaret, on the right side the bay and the sea and the islands in front...


I'm not going to come to any easy conclusion about my targets or my dreams or the way everything ended up being so that I am here today. Maybe I still feel like going to Lesvos, maybe there's something in my imagination I'd like to find out there (to experience in there?) regardless of how probable it is I get it the way I've supposedly imagined it. Anyway I'll stay in here a few days for sure, thinking about the ferry, half sick and keeping myself warm, writing... not in a hurry at all.

If you work with pigs

There's a poem I wrote 4 or 5 years ago, now that I know some former colleagues are listening...

Si trabajas con cerdos el olor no se va.
Llegas a casa y te lijas la piel,
te arrancas las uñas,
las limpias por debajo, y te las vuelves a poner,
frotas uno a uno cada cabello,
abrillantas las axilas y las curcusillas,
haces un enema en cada poro de tus pies,
pero el olor a cerdo sigue ahí.
Puedes pensar que tu trabajo no te afecta,
que desdoblas tu personalidad cuando te vas
y la recompones cuando vuelves,
que puedes mantener tu yo íntimo intacto,
que continúas impermeable a las exigencias del guión.
Pero recuerda: si trabajas con cerdos se te queda el olor.

(Translation into English will follow soon, basically it means if you work with pigs you might think when you get home you clean yourself up, get a shower, and the stink will go, but if you work with pigs you'll smell.)

The idea is actually older; around 10 years ago a friend working as an IT consultant told me about a friend of his who was working in a pig farm.

I remembered about it yesterday during my connecting flight from Frankfurt to Istanbul. I was sitting just beside the wing, and the noise from the engines was quite loud, annoying. But then I realised there were other noises there in the background: the sound of turning the pages of a newspaper from the guy sitting next to me, some quiet conversations (it was late already), the blonde stewardess walking around... and I realised that I could enjoy and relax if I tried to focus and listen to those ambiance sounds, then the dominating clatter of the engine got further and further away...

The guy sitting beside was Turkish. I switched on his reading light (during take off they'd switch everything off, he was reading and he didn't seem to know about it), and after that he was helplessly trying to talk to me; his english was so bad, he spoke good german but I only know a few words (like "kleine" and "grote", some numbers). It was silly, however agreeable at the same, he guy seemed happy meeting me, a foreigner travelling to Turkey. If I understood well, he was going back to visit his father at hospital; lung problems, surgery?.

Probably he had had a long journey from somewhere in Germany, his hands were black dirty and he smelled like a pig. (Is that the reason why I remembered about the poem -or was it because of the noise of the engine?)

Countdown for Istanbul

10 days to go, and not necessarily coming back...

It's all about time, isnt it? Even if I feel somewhat tired and I have some much staff to get finished (including a frightening VAT declaration), I am quietly waiting and it feels ok.

It would be nice if I said that, after the forced working-break about to finish now, I'm planning to go back to the doing-nothing, to nadaism. But I'm afraid I'm not, I'm just and only really looking forward to continue with my next novel. (However, it depends on how you look at it, writing could be a nadaist activity for me, at least according to Spanish editors.)

Anyhow, the point of this post is the pointless (as the previous post, as everything). I've got the promise of freedom, in Istanbul and around in Turkey, and it's enough for my mind to keep me alive and happy. Besides, there's the pleasure of my resignation, the delight in my leaving.

(Warning: nothing new on the following statement); stupidly enough, it seems that a mind which is forever about to do something, or alternatively, which continuously has just done something, would be a mind in paradise. There's a single thing I'd like, for now: let me enjoy it!

The point of the pointless

I've been now around 2 months and a half working, handling requests and preparing deliveries pretty much every week: doing “useful” stuff.

Although the first question is: what's the meaning of “useful”. For me there's quite a few valuable professions, e.g. doctors, taxi drivers, farmers and fishermen, waiters. Not me. Even scientists give a more real fruit to society, compared to mine.

I'm being paid, that's true. But I'd rather be doing something for the nadaist cause, I'd be devoted to meaningless investigations and the like.

It's all a matter of time, isn't it? It's the practical problem to deal with: when you're working you don't find free time for whatever you like, when you're not working you want to spend your time on amusing stuff, something exciting and different, or perhaps you'd just like to repeat those very nice things you enjoyed so much in the past.

Psychological time actually becomes a bigger problem: you don't want to feel that you're wasting your time - particularly when you're about to die (I've never understood why exactly there's a relation between having a good time and a kind of examination you're supposed to pass before your death?) Anyway, it's even worse, it's a mystical or religious problem, since your time is limited and in consequence there's some questions without answer you may dare to ask about waiting for an answer.

Obviously everything, literally everything in a human mind, it's all about time.

And then, there's this guy I happened to meet, a writer who lives (starves) from his writing. It seemed he wanted to help me but he had enough of his own, anyhow there's a lot of courage he gave me, and something he told me I found very beautiful: “in literature there's no wasted time”. Even if you throw it away when you're finished, next time you try to write it, it will be better. Next thing you try to write, it will only become better.

I think he's right, and for sure it does not only apply to literature. A colleague at work told me that he feels the more or less the same about programming in Java. No doubt, if that's ok for him. Other people raise children.

The point is: you have your personal definition of your activity for which there's no wasted time, then you should just focus on it and not spend much time on anything else. If that activity becomes your job, then you'll get paid for it. If not, you'll have to sacrifice time for whatever useful you are able to do and entitles you to a salary, and the rest of your time will be devoted to the pointless.

And the point for you will be on the pointless, of course.

Animal death

I love dogs, when I was a child and a kid there's always been a dog around in my parents' place. (However, it's true I migh not like them so much, not enough since I've never had one myself at home, and even worse, my flatmate now has a small white hairy evil one and I'm getting tired of its barking, I think it's a dirty animal for a flat, etc.)

I'll put it in a different way: before leaving my parents' I've had quite a few dogs, and grew fond of them, felt affection (I'd say love if it wasn't such a big and important word). What I like the most it's playing with them. They're kind of simple of course, but so enthusiastic, devoted to whichever the game. They enjoy it even if it's square, they run after the carrot if needed and they like it.

And of course they die eventually, and it's tough, a couple of them went to my feet for the last breath and it hurt. However, there's another thing I've always liked about dogs, it's that they're all pretty similar; they're somehow different, smarter or sillier, fast and clumsy, fat and sharp, but essentially they're all the same, all so keen for games, for example. I quite easily end up liking my new dog as much as the dead one, even if I like it in a different way.


Some pet/dog lovers get a bit angry when I try to explain it. They tell me that I'm not being honest, that I am lying when I say I love dogs, and there's nothing I can say to change their minds.


But there's this very good friend who likes dogs as well, mostly the playing with them, as me, and he told me something I found very beautiful. He said he did not know if I was right or wrong, if there is a rightness or a wrongness applicable to what I was saying. Anyhow, he carried on, maybe it was just right, maybe it was just the right way to feel about death, and not only for animals, also for human beings. Not just about death, but the way to feel about people.

Quickly he asked me to forget about it, it was all nonsense, he said, it was around two months ago. From time to time I do remember, I spend some time thinking about rightness and wrongness, and I don't seem to quite get anywhere.

Old idea for a survey

I've been back to work and back to hospital... they took my gall bladder out, seems it is quite a useless organ, nothing to worry about. I'm at home, still resting, trying to reduce the number of painkillers I take a day. And I bought a plane ticket to Turkey for september. I'll leave if I've made enough money during these months so that I can survive without working for let's say half a year. If not, I'll leave anyway; it would be a waste to stay, the ticket is not refundable.

These days I have had a lot of time to think, even if my mind has been disarranged, chaotic, sedated, and I've remembered an old idea for a survey. It's a question to be asked to males only: do you feel different after a long time without sex? you loose control, you go nuts? you stop behaving yourself?

Take the extreme example of sexual abuses during military operations. Sometimes is taken as a "collateral" effect of a war, which is horrible anyway; maybe it is a deliberate intention for a "racial cleansing"; in some cases, like e.g. UN peacekeeping missions in Africa, it's just painful, awful, disgusting. However, no matter how terrible the abuses had been, no matter how much everybody regrets it and wants those involved to be severely punished, there's always a sort of thought that it is in some way "logical" that the military become rapist, since in their missions they're far away from women for such a long time, and men have "their needs".

Ok, the example is really extreme, but the question is not "how many months without sex would make you feel such an urge that you may rape a woman?" The question is only whether there is anything in your mind which changes at all; the point would never be to justify or discharge the rapists.


Anthropologists say sex roles are purely cultural, the result of the conflict for controlling reproduction.

Sometimes males say (although they would admit it's a cliché) they would do anything to get laid, and they claim women are able to control them through their either resistance or concessions. What happens if you don't play the game? You'll get bored? sour? crazy? just lonely?

Back to work and straight to hospital

Beginning of june I started working. It was a good chance that came up, as a freelancer, well paid, and for a maximum of 400 hours. (It's kind of weird to negotiate the maximum of hours, instead of the minimum.) Very quickly I realized it's not for me anymore, the nonsense of projects and consultants and different groups trying to make others responsible for their delays. Anyway, I said to myself, it was only for the money and for 2 or 3 months and after that I could take half a year holiday if I wanted to.

Second thing I realised, I didn't have time for anything anymore. The job was boring but that was not not an issue, it was just something that I had to do and I did it for the money. The problem was that it was the only thing that I would do during the day. Even if it was a normal journey of 8 hours, then I had to cook, and eat, and rest and relax a little, a shower in the morning, stuff like that, and there was no time left for anything else. Damn, I repeated to myself, "money... 2/3 months... half a year holiday".

But then it happened. The doctor does not quite agree, but for me it is clear. My body could not stand it anymore, and after 9 days, my pancreas tried to commit suicide...

However, it was not too tough, not as bad as it may sound. The day after, already in my hospital bed, the gentle nurses smiling and asking me, my answer was yes I was feeling much much better. A few days afterwards I was really ok, and before one week I was back to the streets... back to work.

Let's see if I can get my body to understand: it's a matter of money for 2/3 months, and then half a year holiday. If it does not want to understand, then of course there's nothing I can do and I'll have to take the holiday straight ahead... not in a hospital bed, I hope.

Sex is the answer

The number of readers, which was very small already, is going down since I've changed the face of nadaism. “We were very few and grandma got pregnant”, as the spanish saying goes (although the meaning for me is somewhat ambiguous). First of all I must say that I will keep on writing if there's at least one person connecting let's say once a month. Secondly, I've been thinking what would it be it's making it so boring, I honestly believe the matter has huge importance for the day-to-day life, what could I do to make it more amusing, and I thought maybe sex was the answer.

Besides, since this is something posted in the Internet, probably by writing the word sex a few times (sex sex sex sex), quite a few people whose names you dont even know start getting really interested.

Maybe I've created a bit of atmosphere with the 2 paragraphs above, maybe I didnt, anyway if I did I'm going to break the spell quickly: anthropology is actually the answer. I went one morning to the library and I realized that everything was written already. Well, probably there's something written about everything, and I mean everything-everything. As for this subject in particular, anthropologist have written a lot.

It makes sense; a simple approach that I had in mind to prove that men and women are equal was to check gay couples (maybe some sex coming back on this paragraph), which I'm pretty sure will be in quite a struggle to live together, and they won't be able to blame it to the fact that “all women are the same” or “men are always like this, interested on only one thing -sex”. Well, anthropologists decided to take a look not at homosexuals but at another cultures, and not because they wanted an answer for any question, but just because it's their job; anyhow their findings are amazing.

They basically say that the sexual roles are cultural. Which includes sexual behavior and habits; I leave that for your imagination -their examples are somewhat too exotic, about tribes in Africa or in Indian America. At the end, fertility is the only difference between men and women, not sex, and culture is the “grammar of conduct”, of all conduct, they say.

I'll end this post with a quote of the Kama Sutra, (which could add some more readers, the ones a bit bored of sex): “Women are the eternal mystery. It's impossible to know how far the love of a women goes, because the nature of females is subtle and intelligent.”

To differentiate

When people make generalizations they base themselves on their personal experiences, (which are necessarily limited, i.e. relatively limited), and besides on their values and believes, opinions, on the way they feel. If you ask them about the differences between both sexes, for example...

Some would use their religious background, which can be so varied depending on the religion itself, but essentially refer to procreation: that's for them the key to define the roles of men and women. I dare to say, with all due respect, it's a limited view.


Then there's science. Some might point out human beings are mammals at the end, which means they have a defined strategy for reproduction: females have just a few chances to have babies, they carry them for months on their bellies and the new-borns are weak and must be taken care of for years; in consequence, they select very carefully the men who will be faithful and stay with them throughout the process. Besides there's genetics, which means that males are supposed to spread their sperm as much as they can, while females have somehow to detect which males are healthier and more capable so that they can cross with them, giving more chances to their offspring. And that's a limited view, I dare to say.

Science would also study physiological differences between men and women, and will test some parameters of intelligence to that they make clear there are some various tasks which are done better by either one or another; e.g. men more capable when reading a map or in arithmetics, women better in geometry. So what?, I'd humbly ask.


There's even some half mystic standpoints, so that men and women would be different and complementary, and that's why their union makes so much sense. Polarity and attraction, the parts and the whole, etc. Well... to me, that's like any other believe.


Just look up the dictionary: to differentiate means to percieve there's a difference, but also to establish it, to make it different.

The obvious differences

Body shapes. Some internal organs. Hormones. "Those days of the month". And only women get pregnant. There are some phisological differences everybody could agree with.

There's cultural differences: men and women are not educated the same way, i.e. they are repressed in different ways. For instance, men should not cry, women should always look beautiful.

There's the common vague understanding that men are somewhat more rational, (in their behaviour and decisions), while women are somehow more connected to their emotions, (i.e. women manage their emotions in a better way, and use them).

And there's the mysterious way in which women know exactly how much more they feel like eating or drinking, and in consecuense at the end of the meal they just sip your glass or cut a portion of a precise weight from your plate - it's exactly the piece they miss.


Those above are the differences I will accept. For the rest, I'll try to prove that men and women think the same way.

Reading your partner's mind

Sometimes your partner expects you to know what he or she wants, other times he/she would like you to do or to propose or just to say something in particular, which shouldn't be so difficult for you to guess (?), since you are together and know and love each other.

The female is supposed to be the one that expects the other to be an oracle, but I'd say this is a cliché; men are also very happy when they're given by surprise exactly what they wanted. Maybe males don't talk so openly about those dim expectations, maybe they disregard something so vague and emotional even if they feel it or wish it, since they believe it's nonsense or impractical. (According to the cliché, the reason would be that there's only the one thing in males' minds, and anything else is like an additional present they don't really deserve).


Anyway there's the situation, two people living together and one of them does not understand something about the other, but the other thinks the first has understood. Actually the 2nd expects the 1st to understand because it's so obvious, they've even talked about it before, and they love each other so much. Still, the 1st, very much in love, has no clue. Which is annoying for the 2nd. From that point (1st clueless and 2nd upset) onwards, it may only become worse; no solution possible, the 2nd could even try to explain it, again and again, but the 1st will not understand, (why should 1st?, is now a better moment?).


If 1st could read his/her partner's mind, (and a tiny bunch people claims there's means to do it), then 1st would know what 2nd is thinking. But then, 1st would also know absolutely everything about 2nd, every single corner of the mind of 2nd would be clear, the nasty details as well. Maybe if 1st would be able to see 2nd so completely and openly, 1st would not like 2nd so much anymore. Even worse, maybe 2nd has the same ability to read 1st's mind, and 1st is scared that 2nd gets into this magic view of 1st, and some time leater 2nd breaks up in anger.

Those minds with their reading powers would be scared of showing too much of themselves to each other, of finding aspects they don't like (or they could hate) about each other. The problem of not understanding each other will of course remain, but it would be like a secondary matter; maybe it was secondary since the beginning.


It's not that I mean anything by this post. How would I know?, me?, a long-lasting and proved bachelor!. My point is actually about control, how looking for control means missing the point, sometimes.

Waiting chaos

I got my room, finally; no excuses for the chaos anymore. I have the feeling that that I don't find the time for some stuff that I'd like to do, but probably it's because the day is not long enough.

I do my practice, I write, and I cook and I eat, and I rest, and unfortunately as I say I cannot spend much yet for anything else - I hope it will come. For example, I'd like to continue with the translation of the yoga sutras that I promised.

And I'm happy, even if the price for the rent is a small fortune, and whenever I go out I spend small amounts, and not so small sometimes. Money flies fast and I have no income but I cannot be bothered, I don't feel the vertigo, because I'm waiting. Waiting is magic.


I'm waiting for the brother of a friend who is a writer, (I mean somebody real who makes a living from writing); he is reading my novel and promised to give me some honest advice. I have no idea what is he going to do or to say. And I'm waiting for a friend who is going to start up an IT project and might have a part-time job for me, (although I believe it's unlikely he goes for it, and if he does I wouldnt say he will hire me).


Waiting gives you peace of mind, waiting gives you space in your mind because you don't need to worry about the future anymore, because the future will come at the end of your waiting. It does not matter what you are waiting for; if you are waiting you will make your whole mind available for focusing on your day.


Then I practise, I write, I cook, I eat, and I rest. And sometimes I go out. And sometimes I regret a little that still did not find time for some other stuff. It's perfect, I'm centered, I feel I could be waiting for nothing for ever, like this.

However all this is just different words to put the motto of this blog, of course, and the main problem remains: no contributions are going to come. If I could just believe they're on their way, I'd wait for ever.

People work Monday to Friday in here

A friend, who has just started working after a few months on holiday, told me: "while I was in C... doing nothing I actually felt I was very busy and amused and I did not have much free time, but now that I'm here working, often in the evenings I wonder, what shall I do now!. And the weekend is 2 full days to be filled with and I don't know what to to do!".

By the way, that's the reason why you need so much money to spend when you are working: you get bored so easily and feel the need to indulge yourself. However if you are happily doing nothing (i.e. you are not desperate to find a job), you don't need much to amuse yourself and are able to live cheaply.


Now I am staying with a friend, and the place is really small, a 1 room apartment. I sleep on the floor and obviously have to go to bed and wake up when he does, he's always lazy to get up and late to work. Finally when I'm on my own I do my practise and have lunch, and hardly find a couple of hours in the afternoon for doing something like looking for my own room, until he comes back from the office...

I'm having a very good time, and I appreciate so much he's giving me shelter. My life quite chaotic, and I'm doing nothing like never ever - but I guess I'm just indulging myself. However I'm afraid, when I go back to myself (I have the room and I'll move on thursday) it's going to be difficult to get back into the arranged and neat routine of doing nothing.

A few sutras in bitter Europe

Bitter cold, I mean.

When I wrote the last post I was just coming out of a flu, I was still locked in a warm place and basically I had not been outside yet. At least London was cheap, from my bed. Now in Spain, I've been around for 3 weeks in Europe and the cold seems to be still in my bones. I've postponed any serious thought for the moment... not much time for the yoga sutras either. Here you have a few however, the fist 14. There's 200 in total, it might take me around one year to finish?.

" Now starts a guide on yoga. Yoga means calming down the states and movements of the consciousness. When it's achieved, the most inner layer of the self comes out strongly; the rest of the time, the self identifies itself with the states and movements of the consciousness.
" There's 5 states and movements, which may be painful or not. They are: knowledge, illusion or error, delusion, sleep and memory. Direct knowledge may be based either on perception, or on inference, or on authority. Illusion is a false impression of facts or reality. Delusion is a verbal fabrication which is empty of any substance. Sleep is an involuntary absence of movements of consciousness. Memory is remembering words and experiences.
" The practice of yoga and detachment are the ways to calm down those states and movements; practice is the continuous effort, and if it is long, uninterrupted and awake and alert, it's the foundation to get to calm down.


Not very exciting I'd agree... that's because I havent reached the "superpowers" yet, which the practitioner is supposed to acquire through continuous discipline and after quite some years. It will be more "challenging" (I've always hated that word in its professional use) but not impossible to translate. Should I mention I've met some Westerns in India who were quite interested on those powers, (maybe they want to acquire them, or only understand them?). Anyway there's no reason to laugh; for Indians, our European obsession on achieving enlightenment sounds quite funny as well.

Nadaist yoga sutras

The yoga sutras were written by Patanjali some 2500 years ago, they are a very precise piece of knowledge about yoga. But they were written in sanskrit, which is a difficult and dead language, and they were very short, their meaning a bit obscure, as it happens with many other old scriptures. The fact that according to the myth Patanjali was an incarnation of the snake god does not help bringing light to the subject, I'd guess.

Neither do help much the big number of books that have been written on the subject since the beginning of the 20th century. So many pages of commentaries on a bit less than 200 short aphorisms cannot serve to clarify it but just to mess it up more and more.

Some of these modern thinkers claim that in those ancient times the sutras were written, they were actually understood by the readers, because the spiritual knowledge was on average much much higher compared to the present moment, in which modernity and technology have spoilt everything (?). I would not dare to contradict anybody on anything, but it sounds like the typical statement about any past period of time being better. Why should the contemporaries of the snake god understand anything he was talking about, what do we know about those centuries, were there more yoga practitioners compared to the present?. For sure there were not people from every corner of the world travelling to India to learn yoga.

Anyway, it's not that my translation is going to contribute to clarify anything, of course not. Not that many people are going to read it anyway. Not that it has any value either, I'm not translating it from sanskrit, but just playing from another english translation. But the point I'm going to try to make is that I will translate them not using any spiritual word, that using the right words it could be a very clear explanation with no ambiguity. Depending on who you ask, my translation could be a blasphemy or an exercise of stupidity. I just hope it will be more or less funny.

Let's face it

I have no idea what to do.

I do know what I'm going to do next, I have the return flight to London, which I booked so long ago I can't remember, (when january 2007 was far away and meaningless), and I have to leave India because of the visa. I'll spend a few days in the crazy expensive city, I'll visit my family to say hello, and then I will go somewhere to stay with a friend for some time, he/she still does not know, since I don't know either. Little by little I'll get used to Europe again, and I'll see how my money flies 3 or 4 times faster compared to India, even though I'm staying with a friend. (If it takes me some time to realise it, it might be a different friend from the 1st one).

In the meantime I'll finish the novel - I'm nearly there already. I'll make everything possible to get it published, feeling very sad since if I had success it would be the end of the nadaism and this time there would be no way around, (it was still ok when I starting the regular yoga practice for the sake of it, also when I was focusing on writing just for the sake of it). But the nadaist cause needs money, and if nobody contributes, it is over. Anyway no problem for a while because it is probably a hopeless try I will make.

Then, money running out fast, novel not published, the consequence is obvious and sounds very very scary: I'll be forced to look for a job. Let's face it. It is going to happen. It will be the end.

I hope by that time I am not much worried than I am now, (i.e. right now I am not worried at all). I'm quite sure, actually.

Also I'd like to think that by that time I have an idea or a hint of what to do. But let's face it, I won't. How could you make sense of such a step.

New year's eve

Short post to explain you how did it go with my new year's eve, because it was awesome.

The yoga & vipassana guys were going out for dinner, but somehow I did not feel like it. They are very nice and warm people, I've spent some good times with them, no complains about it, (except maybe that their conversation sometimes tends to go too much to the yoga & vipassana subjects). And they are not "party people", not particularly, which is kind of nice as well.

=> A side note maybe, quite an important one though: make no mistake, yoga people are quite neurotic. I don't know why I thought in a yoga course in India you would find very nice and balanced and peaceful group, but no no no they're nuts, (starting by myself of course).

Anyway that night I did not feel like going out with them. And I did not have any other alternatives since I don't know so many people around - besides the yoga classes, my social life is limited here, there's the girls I try to talk to now and then with little success. Then I didn't.

On my way to the restaurant I was feeling kind of weird. Was I going to spend my new year's eve having dinner on my own and going to bed early?. Would I not regret it and feel sad about it?. The answer was obviously negative. But I don't know, I had my doubts untill it was over; it seems that you cannot be sure unless you give it a try. May I encourage you to do the same one of these years?. It was a wonderful finding. No hassle with new year's eve anymore.