Nowhere worth going except where we left

From “Girls”, by Nic Kelman, a novel about power and sex: “And so we want faster cars, faster boats, faster jets, faster computers – anything more powerful than everything else. And we continue to want them even after we learn that there’s nowhere worth going except where we left, and that the faster we go the further away from there we get”.

Myself, I just wonder how is it that we have that small machine in our heads which seems to be programmed for melancholy and sadness, for missing the past, for sticking to the crap. A human being is an impressive artefact, and the human mind is in particular amazing, the outcomes it can produce, the puzzles it can figure out, however it seems to be in fundamental conflict with, (if not driven by), those emotional mechanisms that make up the wonderful feelings sometimes, but also the background noise, the remaining sensation that there’s nowhere worth going except where we left.

And the point is, despite of the fact that the sorrow is there, while it didn’t need to, if you just neglect it, and try to make your living at the rational part, it doesn’t seem to work at all.

Anyhow, I am going to take a rest from transcendental kind of stuff; the post for next week (or whenever) will be the results of an investigation I am working at, under the hypothesis than German are the closest people to Spanish, (at least, when they are drunk).

Real life

Some good friends have confessed that they regard me as a kind of guinea pig, and my decision to leave everything as a big laboratory experiment; that they want to see what happens to me, they want to know the end of my story, (although of course they don’t mean any harm and they don’t want anything bad happening to me). They meet me and see that I’m happy and relaxed and enjoying my time, but they’re afraid that eventually when the money is finished, (because the nadaist project itself does not seem to be self sustainable), I will fall and get into a hole, a depression even bigger that I had before. Well, I’m also a bit concerned about that moment, (maybe around the end of the year), in which I have to go back to "real life" and to work and deal with real problems.

Then, in Berlin, my landlord is a psychologist; we started with a kind of corridor conversation for politeness, and the guy does not speak much English (and I’d say he does not speak much anyway), anyhow he looked interested on my story, here and there he was asking questions and making short statements, however there was this issue in which he insisted quite a lot more: he did not understand why I was calling it "the moment to go back to real life", it did not make sense to him, it wasn’t the good words to put it. He did not add much, which was the perfect way to make his point.

Nadaism reborn

One of my nephews has posted a message complaining it’s been twenty days since I last updated the blog. Well, I’ve been busy breaking the nadaist principles. My landlord in London offered me to work for him some 15 hours a week to pay the rent, and I accepted.

The fact that it wasn’t for money but for shelter (or a basic need), and that I did not enjoy it, (we’ve built a bathroom), are not good as excuses; anyhow, since nobody had given me not even a cent to help me through the blog, (still waiting for Leo Bassi to order the money transfer), there’s nothing to reimburse in the nadaist fund.

Some other people had been complaining that I was a bit cheeky asking for money, (until I removed the buttons to make a donation, which did not work anyway). Well I think it was a fair commercial transaction, you wanted to know the answer for a big question, and I was going to sacrifice myself and my lifetime for the cause. But I still think we can make a deal. You can host me for as many days or weeks as you want, giving me shelter and food. Of course, I don’t do anything in exchange; (nadaism, remember?). Please send me your coordinates and the dates that would be suitable for you. I’m going to leave London in a few days, and then I’ll go to Berlin for a couple of weeks, and afterwards it’s up to you darlings. As a start, I’d rather go somewhere in the Mediterranean, in May is still not too hot and there’s not so many tourists. For the summer, I’d prefer to go North, somewhere fresh. Thank you.

More on apathy

For somebody apathetic, doing anything is always more difficult than doing nothing at all. Such a person could find a rational backing for their lack of interest; although they would need to spend some effort, probably it would have some benefits as well.

Writing the nadaist contract could look like an example, (but not a effective one, since it does not bring any profits at all). Anyhow apathy means a certain kind of agreement in which you take less risks, but you don’t get the real thing. Could be seen as a contract between you and your fear, your insecurity; just going through life like a tourist with a guide: it’s safer, you don’t waste your time, but you don’t experience the genuine stuff. Nobody is sure what’s the genuine stuff anyway.

The contrary is absolute freedom. Nadaism is not a frame for that absolute freedom, but at the end everybody needs food and shelter, no matter how free they feel. A fake enlightenment could be used as a similar kind of setup, I’d say.